Please Read The Author's Note First!!!
(Author's note: This is my first story which I have written about TTA.
Please note that this is a STORY, and not an EPISODE,  even though
references may be made, so that it appears so.  This story is mainly based
upon the introduction of a new character.  Also, some of Fifi's speech has
been written without the French accent added.  This doesn't mean that she
wouldn't speak as she normally would, (follow me?), but, rather that her
speech would become too confusing for me to read quickly.  Sorry.  On one
final 'note', anyone who knows my true name will probably notice that this
new toon shares the same first name with me.  NO, I did not name him after
myself.  And YES, I couldn't come up with a better name for this guy.  So
just relax.  JEEEEZZZZ!!! )


Chris Who?
by
The Hell Cat

        ext. As we open, the sun is slowly rising behind a two-lane road
leading to Acme Acres.  But the road is not the only thing that the sun is
rising behind.  We can see (and hear) a lone figure walking towards us,
with a back-pack over his right shoulder, and whistling an age-old tune
that a certain wolf whistled, in his old Metro-Goldwin cartoons
(1950's-early 60's).
        As the figure gets closer, the sun has almost fully risen.  We can
tell that he is about the same height as most of the Tiny Toons (ex.
Buster, Babs, Plucky, etc.), he is blue (about the same color as Furball,
just a little darker), and to top it all off he is a skunk, with one thick
white stripe down his tail.  He is wearing a brown leather bombers'-jacket,
and has mussed-up hair (a lot like Pepé Le Pew's average hair-style).
        Suddenly, he walks-off to the side of the road.  His carefree
whistling slowly turns into a low, mono-toned pitch, as he stops to read a
small road sign.  The black and white sign reads "ACME ACRES  pop.
1,546,000."

        Skunk:  "Now here's a town that sounds vaguely familiar.  I wonder why?"

        He continues walking down the road, just beginning to enter the
very out-skirts of Acme Acres.
        Skunk:  "Oh, well.  Who really cares?  It's the only real town that
I've come across since Burbank.  And that was a couple of days ago!"

        Slowly he crests a hill, and can see the whole city.  After walking
for a while, he begins to get closer to the heart of the whole city: the
Acme Looniversity.  But he is still a couple of miles away from it, yet.
The streets of Acme Acres are eerily silent, except for the occasional
passing car.  Whether it was the fact that it was 7:00 a.m. on a Monday
morning, or that it was June, he didn't really know why.  He just guessed
that it must have been a little of both.
        Presently, he almost passes a figure walking (or rather in this
case, floating) up the opposite side of the street, before he stops dead in
his tracks, turns, and rushes across the street to confront the lone
traveler, known as none-other than Shirley the Loon.  Stopping next to her
(a little out of breath), she turns to him.
        Skunk:  "Hey, pant, pant, pant,  thanks for stopping."
        Shirley:  "Oh, Hello."
        Skunk:  "Uh, you might say I'm new around here.  Where's the
nearest place I can get something to eat?" Brushing his arm non-chalontally
underneath the floating loon, expecting to find wires, or a transparent
structure of some sort, but feels nothing.
        Shirley:  "Well, like, the nearest edible food is just a couple of
blocks down, on the left-hand side, er sum junk." Pointing in the general
direction, of which the skunk was originally headed.
        Skunk:  "Thanks a million.  I owe ya one."  He says, extending his
right hand.  "Name's Chris."
        Shirley:  "Like, no problem.  I'm Shirley." She replies, extending
her right hand as well.

        They briefly shake hands, and he rushes back across the street
again.  He continues walking in the same direction as before, keeping a
watchful eye opened for anything that looks like a decent place to eat at.
        Suddenly, a blue streak shoots between his legs.  Just as he looks
downward to see what it could be, he is sent soaring head-over-heels as he
gets hit by what appears to be a white speeding bullet.
        The streak ducks into an alley-way and stops.  As he does so, we
see that it is really Furball.  The alley is a dead-end, with a brick wall
sealing it off from any apparent escape.  There also isn't a singe place in
the whole alley to hide, except a trash can.
        Presently, we see the white speeding bullet duck into the alley-way
as well.  When he stops, we can see that it is Arnold the Pitt bull.
Seeing the trash can, he grins to himself, and chuckles a little.  He
marches up to the trash can, rips off the lid, looks inside, and sees
nothing?
        More than just a little bit confused, he sets the lid back on the
trash can and turns around to see an enraged blue skunk.  Arnold, who
usually isn't afraid of anyone, or anything for that matter  (especially
not someone smaller than himself), is backed into a corner.

        Chris:  "What the heck is the matter with you?  You think you can
just run over people, and they're not going to care?"

        With his right hand, Chris grabs Arnold by his collar, and flings
him out of the alley, and into the street!
        Arnold:  "They say there is a first time for everything, ya?" He
says, jumping up, and running away.
        Chris bends-over, and picks up his backpack.  Remembering the blue
streak, he calls-out:  "Hey man, the coast is clear.  It's safe to come out
now."
        Furball pushes up the man-hole cover at Chris' feet, and Chris
helps him out.

        Chris:  "You had a heck of a scare little dude (noticing that he is
about an inch or two taller than Furball).  You okay?"
        Furball nods his head, after dusting himself off.
        Chris:  "My name's Chris."
        Furball produces a sign from behind his back that says "I'm
Furball."  He then flips it over.  It now reads "Thanks for saving my
hide."
        Chris:  "No problem.  Say, could you show me where to get something
to eat?  I'm about to STARVE!!!"
        Furball nods his head eagerly, and practically drags the skunk down
the street to the nearby pizza parlor.

        The pizza place is about empty.  The few customers there are busy
eating, talking, and walking to and from their tables.  In the background,
we can faintly hear the Mama's and the Papa's playing the song Creeque
Alley on a radio.  Chris and Furball sit down at a table.  Soon, Slappy
Squirrel arrives to take their orders.

        Furball shows Slappy a sign that says "I thought you worked at
Weenie Burger."
        Slappy:  "I did.  But I thought my cameo appearances deserved more
variety.  Now, uh,  what do you two boys want?"
        Chris:  "I'll have a slice of sausage."
        Furballs' Sign:  "I'll have triple anchovies."
        Both in unison:  "No buttermilk, please."
        Slappy (walking towards the kitchen, and mumbling to herself):
"Lousy teenagers are getting too smart for their own good."

        After Chris and Furball finish eating, they part ways.

        Fade-out

        Fade-in
        ext.  Outside Bab's hole, Babs Fifi and Shirley are talking.  Babs
has her legs stretched out in front of her, while leaning against a tree.
Shirley is sitting in front of Babs, in her usual cross-legged position.

        Shirley:  "Like, I totally kid you not."
        Babs:  "So let me get this straight, there's a new guy in town."
        Shirley:  "Uh-huh."
        Babs:  "And he's a skunk."
        Shirley:  "Uh-huh."
        Babs:  "And he's our age."
        Shirley:  "Uh-huh."
        Babs:  "And Fifi hasn't gotten her hands on him yet !?!"
        Shirley:  "Like, nope."
        Babs:  "Well, will wonders never cease."

        Fifi meanwhile, is laying on her back and staring at the sky
day-dreaming about what the new male skunk looks like, while she plucks the
petals off of a daisy.

        Fifi (not even looking at Shirley):  "How tall deed vous say
monsieur eez again?"
        Shirley:  "About Busters height, er sum junk."

        Babs stretches out her arms, and says "I'm getting pretty bored."
        Shirley suddenly lights up (so to speak), and says "Like, wait a
minute.  I heard that there was going to be a sale at the mall today, er
sum junk!"
        Babs and Fifi sit straight up, and say in unison "SALE!!!"

        Babs walks over to her hole, looks down, and then turns to Shirley
and Fifi who are standing right behind her.
        Babs:  "I've gotta think of a good excuse to stay in town for a
long time.  Any ideas?"
        Fifi:  "Shirley eez stayeeng zee night at mon house.  Why don't
vous too?"
        Babs:  "Genius Feef!"  (looking down the entrance to her home
again) "MOM!  I'M STAYING THE NIGHT AT FIFI'S!!!"
        Babs' Mom:  "Ohkeey byabs hon.  See you toomarow!"

        At this comment, all three girls look at each other devilishly,
rubbing their hands together.  Suddenly, they're gone.  All that is left
are three giant dust-trails leading to town.

        Fade-out

        Fade-in
        ext. The Acme Mall.  Babs, Fifi, and Shirley are loaded down with
bags from various stores.  Stopping at a park bench, they set down their
assorted loads of clothing, CD's, makeup, etc.
        Babs:  "Nothing like three hours of mindless bliss, to help keep
boredom from interrupting our lives."
        Shirley:  "Like, totally."

        Babs turns her head to see a Blue skunk standing on the nearby
street corner.
        Babs:  "Hey Shirl, mind describing that skunk that you saw this
morning?" (still looking at him).
        Fifi:  "Oui!  Ah want to be able to, how you say, recognize
monsieur, eef ah were to see heem."
        Shirley:  "Like, he's about Buster's height, and about Furball's
color.  He was wearing a brown leather jacket, "
        Babs:  "and a brown backpack."
        Shirley and Fifi both look at Babs strangely, and notice that she
is looking somewhere else.  They both turn to see where she is looking, and
they both almost instantly notice the skunk crossing the street.

        Fifi immediately jumps into a mid-air run, legs spinning pinwheel
style.  Hearts surround her head, as she shouts "L'AMOUR!!!"  She launches
herself at the male skunk, who changes his position, by turning left at a
brick wall that Fifi failed to notice earlier, from the opposite side of
the street.  Fifi, realizing that she had miscalculated in some way, gives
us a pathetic look as she slams flat against the brick wall, and proceeds
to slide slowly down the wall.  Babs runs across the street to help her
injured friend, by peeling her off of the wall and shaking her like a
floor-rug until she 'pops' back 'into shape'.
        After Fifi can stand on her own, she shakes her head in order to
help regain her sense of balance.
        Fifi:  "Love hurts, non?"

        As all of this occurs, Chris continues to walk down the street and
disappears around a corner.  He is totally oblivious of what almost just
happened to him.

        Fade-out

        Fade-in
        ext.  It is dark, and raining outside.  We can see Chris, and he is
obviously cold, and tired.  It appears that he has been having very poor
luck finding any decent shelter.  It also appears to take every bit of
strength that he has left, for every step that he takes.  He has spent the
last few hours aimlessly wandering the streets.  He walks to the front
entrance of the junkyard, and enters.  He acts as though he is in a daze.
He notices the dim light coming from inside of Fifi's Cadillac, but his
vision is so blurred from fatigue, that he doesn't even know where he is
going.  Only following the instinct that light usually means heat, and heat
is usually good when you are cold, he half-drags himself to her (Fifi's)
door.  He knocks once and passes-out from extreme over-exaustion,
face-first into the mud.
        Fifi answers the door.  She looks left, right, and then straight
down to find the newcomer face-down in the mud.
        Fifi:  "Babsie!  Shirley!  Come quickly," she gasps.
        Fifi turns him over onto his back, checks him for a pulse on his
left wrist, and then does her best to drag this new-found lover into her
home.  Babs and Shirley quickly arrive, and help Fifi.
        Babs:  "Hey, this is the same skunk we saw earlier today!  Is he
even still alive?"
        Fifi:  "Oui."  She states this as she completes dragging him
inside, and shutting the door behind her.

        Shirley:  "Like, he's soaking wet.  Babs, try to get his jacket
off.  I'll move his bag, and go get some towels."
        Shirley attempts to pick his bag up, but it's far too heavy for
her.  So instead, she just drags it over to a corner.  Looking at us she
complains, "And you men totally complain about how much a womans' bags
weigh!"

        Shirley soon returns with a towel, and a blanket.  In the meantime,
Babs and Fifi have managed to get his jacket off of him, and have hung it
up to dry.
        Shirley:  "Like, lets get him in a more comfortable position."
        Babs:  (spin-changing into an army Sergeant)  "O.K. ladies, lets
get that skunk moved onto the couch!  I said NOW!  Move IT, Move IT, MOVE
IT!!!"
        Fifi:  "Rope eet een Sarge.  We need vous help weez zees."

        Babs spin-changes back to normal, and lifts Chris' right arm.
Shirley lifts his left arm, and (being careful of his tail) Fifi lifts him
by his legs.  They quickly carry him over to Fifis' couch/bed, and lay him
down on it.
        Babs:  "Is it just me, or does he seem to be really heavy for
somebody his size?"
        Fifi:  "Oui.  He seems to be, how you say, heavier on zee right side,
zan zee left."
        Shirley:  "Come on you two.  Like, we've gotta get him taken care
of, er some junk."

        Fifi drys Chris' face, hair, arms, and tail with the towel, and
then covers him with the blanket.  She sits on the couch with his head
resting in her lap.  Babs gets her some damp wash-rags, and Fifi proceeds
wiping his forehead with the rags, and looking at him lovingly.  She can't
ever recall having a boy so relaxed in her arms.
        Fifi:  "Who are vous?  And where deed vous from?"
        Shirley produces forth an I.D. from his jacket-pocket.  "Like, his
name is Chris Pew.  This I.D. has a totally falsified address.  It's from
Chicago, and it says 1060 W. Addison Blvd."
        Babs:  "How is that so fake, Shirl?"
        Shirley:  "Like, I was channel-surfing last night, and I saw that
address on the news, er some junk.  1060 W. Addison Blvd. is Wrigley
Field."
        Fifi:  "So we don't know where he eez really from, non?"
        Babs:  "Exactly.  We don't even know if his real name is Chris Pew,
or not."

        Fade out.

        Fade in.
        int. Fifi's Cadillac.  A little over two hours have passed since we
left.  Not much has changed since we left.  Fifi is still washing Chris'
forehead with a damp wash-cloth, while he rests on the couch covered with a
blanket.  The only thing that has changed, is that Babs and Shirley are
sitting on the floor playing Gin Rummy.
        Shirley:  "Like, Gin again, Babs."
        Babs:  "You've got to be cheating.  There's no way that you could
possibly beat me five times in a row, and not be cheating."
        Shirley:  "As if, Babs.  I wasn't cheating."
        Babs:  "You were too cheating.  I'll bet you were reading my mind
again, weren't you?"
        Shirley:  "Like, I can control my powers Babs, and I wasn't cheating."
        Babs:  "I'll bet money you were."
        Both girls are now turning red with rage, and becoming louder all
of the time.

        Fifi:  "Vous two are going to wake heem up!"
        At this, Chris' eyes quickly open wide.  Fifi looks down at him.
His eyes are transfixed upon her smiling face for a moment.  Then he
suddenly realizes that he doesn't know who she is.  Just a little bit
confused, his sits up straight in a flash.  Looking around, he also
realizes that he doesn't know where the heck he is, either.
        Chris:  "Augh!"
        In a flash, he is on the opposite end of the couch.  Fifi starts
crawling across the couch to him.
        Fifi:  "Are vous okay?"
        Feeling a little funny, he notices that there are two other girls
in the room besides Fifi.  He looks down, and notices that his jacket is
gone!

        Chris:  "Augh!!"
        He falls backward, over the edge of the couch.  Now in an over
turned pile, the poor skunk is really confused. Babs and Shirley are
standing in front of him.
        Babs:  "Are you O.K.?"  She asks helping him to his feet.

        The newcomer stands up to his full height (just an inch or so
taller than Fifi at her full height).
        Chris:  "Yeeaaah.  Where am I?  Am I still in Acme Acres?"

        Fifi steps onto the floor, and walks directly in front of him.  She
is on the right of Babs and the left of Shirley.
        Fifi:  "Allow moi to explain.  Eet was raineeng outside, and vous, 
how you say,  collapsed outside of zee door.  We heard vous, and rushed to
zee door.  We brought vous een, dried vous off, and kept vous warm."
        Chris:  "For this, I truly owe you three my life.  Allow me to
introduce myself.  I am Chris Pew."  He bows his head a little bit, as he
says this.
        Fifi:  "Mon name eez Fifi La Fume.  Zees eez Babs Bunny, and
Shirley Zee Loon."  While she states their names, she indicates to Babs and
Shirley.

        Chris:  "There is just one more thing,, where's my jacket and bag?"
        While he isn't watching her, Babs reaches back with one of her
ears, and snatches his coat off of the coat rack next to Fifi's door.
        Babs:  "Your bag is in the corner."  She indicates where the bag is
with one ear, as she hands him his jacket.
        He takes the coat and puts it on.  He looks a little relieved when
he puts the coat on for some reason.
        Chris:  "Thanks Babs.  I feel kinda naked without this thing on.
Mind if I sit down?" (indicating toward the couch).
        Fifi:  "Non!"  She steps back, and he walks around and sits down on
the couch.  Fifi sits on one side of him (rather close), and Babs sits on
his other side (at a normal distance).  Shirley hovers across from the
couch.

        Chris (talking to Shirley):  "That's where I know you from.  I met
you this morning."

        Shirley:  (carefully eying him)  "Where are you from Chris?"

        Chris appears to be stunned for a moment, and then he answers her
slowly:  "Shirley, I don't know.  I don't really even remember.  I'll bet
that you found my Drivers License."  She nods.  "It may be true that I'm
from Chicago.  Heck, I may even be from Maine, or New York, but I sure
don't remember.  When I was little - about five years old or so - I told my
Mom that I was going to go for a walk outside.  She said "Sure,"  so I
left.  I walked out of the door, down the street, and disappeared.  I never
saw her, or any of my family - that I was aware of - ever again."
        As he says this he looks deeply into Shirleys eyes, as if to say
"This is the truth."  Being the fact that she can read mind waves Shirley
read his thoughts for any doubt that he may be lieing.  She found none.
        As he finished speaking, all three girls look sad.  Poor Fifi looks
like she is about to cry.

        Chris:  "But, it must have been destiny calling me, for I have been
many wonderful places, and seen many glorious things.  YYYAAAAAWWWNNNN!!!"
Looking as if he has startled himself, he looks at his watch.  "Man, it's
one in the morning!  I'd better get going if I want to find any shelter, so
that I can get some sleep tonight."
        He starts to get up, but Fifi grabs his arm and pulls him back.
She is not only worried about loosing the possibility of ever seeing him again,
but she would never forgive herself if anything happened to him, because
she didn't invite him to stay.

        Fifi:  "Non.  Vous weel say here weeth us."
        Babs:  "Yeah, just look at it out there.  It's still raining, HARD."
        Shirley:  "Like, if I can trust you, we all can, er sum junk.  And
I trust you."
        Chris:  "But how can you really trust me?  You don't even know me."
        Shirley:  "Like, I know all about you.  All of what you said is
totally true."
        Chris:  "Miss Loon, I don't know how you get so smart, about
knowing all that you know about me, but you're right.  It is all true."

        Fifi:  "Anyway, zee issue, she eez steel standeeng here.  Vous are
stayeeng weeth us."
        At this, he looks outside and sees a flash of lightning, quickly
followed by a roar of thunder.  He looks at Babs, Shirley, and then Fifi.

        Chris:  "Okay, I'm not going to argue with that.  I'll stay."

        Fifi takes his right hand (noticing that it is stone cold, but
ignoring it), and looks deeply into his eyes.  Poor Chris looks a bit
uncomfortable in this position, but he doesn't say anything.
        Fifi:  "Merci."

        Babs:  "Excuse us for a moment, Chris."
        Babs gets up, and drags the floating Loon into the an adjoining
room, which just happens to be the front of the car.  Shirley has a totally
shocked look on her face the whole time.  When they get to the front of the
car, Babs closes the door, and turns to Shirley.
        Babs:  "I'm still a little uneasy about him Shirley.  Are you sure
that he's safe?  He might be a madman just waiting for all of us to go to
sleep, so he can pull out an axe and," (pretending to hold an axe over
Shirley's head, and foaming at the mouth).
        Shirley (looking very serious):  "As if, Babs.  You're like, way
too paranoid."  She opens the door a crack and says, "Look.  I think he's
totally more afraid of us than we are of him, er sum junk."

        Babs looks through the door crack, and sees the position that Chris
in.  The poor male skunk is looking very uncomfortable, as Fifi sits so
close to him that there is hardly any space between their bodies.  She is
looking very lovingly at him, and softly whispering French words to him.
Babs then looks at Shirley, with a kind of relieved look on her face.

        Babs:  "Who was I kidding.  He's more afraid of Fifi than we are of
him."  Then she smiles.  "I guess we better go save the poor guy."

        Babs and Shirley both walk back into the main room of the Cadillac.
Fifi backs away from Chris a bit, and looks at Babs and Shirley.  Chris
looks a little bit relieved, as he turns to Babs and Shirley as well.

        Babs (winking at Fifi):  "Hey Feef, why don't we get him something
to sleep on, and go to bed ourselfs."
        Fifi (looking at Babs with a sly grin):  "Of course Babsie." She
leaves for a moment, and then returns with a blanket for Chris.  "Here,
zees eez all zat ah have exterah."  She hands him the blanket as she says
this.

        Chris stands up, and accepts the blanket from Fifi.  He goes over
to the far corner of the couch, and lays the blanket down (coincidentally
enough, in the same place that he landed when he fell off of the couch).
He takes off his jacket, lays it next to the blanket, and gets under the
blanket.  He then turns to the others, who appear to be ready to go to
sleep as well.  Babs is wearing an over sized white night-shirt, and
Shirley and Fifi are both wearing Purple robes.  Fifi is on the couch, Babs
is next to the other end of the couch (by Fifi), and Shirley is hovering
two feet in the air laying down with a blanket over her.

        Chris (looking at all three girls):  "Thanks.  I owe you three a
great deal."
        Girls (in unison):  "No problem."
        Chris:  "'Night."
        Fifi:  "Good night, Chris."

        Chris lays on his stomach, turns his head so that he faces us,
closes his eyes, and silently goes to sleep.
        Fifi (now whispering to Babs):  "So, what eez eet?"
        Babs:  "I just wanted to know what he's like."
        Fifi:  "Since when are vous eenterested een mon personal life?"
        Babs: "Fifi."
        Shirley:  "Like, she's just paranoid that he's crazy, er something."
        Fifi:  "Non Babsie, he eez, how you say, fully competent seeming."
        Babs:  "You mean that he seems to be fully competent?"
        Fifi:  "Oui.  Zee only funny thing about heem, eez that heez left
arm eez warm, while heez right arm eez always stone cold.  YAWN!  Ah'm
sorry Babsie, but ah am feeleeng exhausted."
        Babs:  "Okay.  'Night Feef."

        There is a "click," and the lights go out.

        Fade out

        Fade in
        int. Fifis' Cadillac.  The sun has risen, and it is light inside of
the, well, car / house.  The three girls are peacefully sleeping.  Shirley
is still floating in the air with a blanket draped over her, Babs has her
head wedged under her pillow, and Fifi is laying where we last saw her - on
the couch - with a satin quilt and a blanket over her, and laying on her
back.  A beam of sunshine is cast over Fifi, making her appear to be the
most beautiful thing in creation.  We can hear funny noises in the back
ground.  Tap, Tap, Tap, WHAM!  As the loud "Wham" is heard, Fifi sits
straight-up, wide-eyed.  Instant close-up on Fifis' face.

        Outside, we see Chris Pew is working on an old Vespa scooter.

        Back inside, Fifi gets out of bed.  She almost steps right in the
middle of Babs' back, before she sees her.  She sleepily stands up, puts on
her robe, and pours a cup of coffee from the percolator.  "Funny," she
thought.  "Since when do ah have zee coffee machine.  Ah don't have zee
coffee machine!  Where deed eet come from, ah wonder?"  Then she looks over
to the corner where Chris was sleeping.  All that is there is the blanket,
neatly folded.  Tap, Tap, Tap, WHAM!  She walks over to the window and
looks outside.  She sees Chris Pew working on the old scooter.  Suddenly
remembering that she wants him for her own, she makes a mad dash for her
make-up.  She takes off her robe, puts her pink bow on her head, and begins
primping herself.

        Outside of Fifis' home, we watch Chris continue to work on the old
motor-scooter.  Suddenly, he appears to have trouble with his right arm.
For some reason his hand won't close to form a fist.
        Chris:  "Oh, for cryin' out loud."
        He looks to be a little annoyed at this delay.  He walks over, and
sits down on a near by bench, next to a tool chest.  He takes off his
jacket, and sets it down beside him.  He then unzips a section of his fur
coat that covers his right arm, at the shoulder.  He takes off the fur
covering, and we can see that it is not the true arm that he was born with,
but a mechanical arm.  It only consists of metallic bones, and miniature
hydraulic lifters where ordinarily there would be muscles, and tendons.
        Chris:  "If it isn't one thing, it's another."
        He says this as he digs through the tool box with his left arm.
His eyes brighten a little as he locates what he has been searching for.  A
flat-head screwdriver.  He places the end of the screw driver against the
inside of the robotic elbow, and ever so slightly, twists it, until his
hand can open, and then close again.

        Fifi:  "Bonjour mon ami."
        Chris looks up, startled, and sets down the screwdriver.  He
quickly tries to cover up his right arm by putting the fur-glove back over
it, but he isn't fast enough.  Fifi comes skipping around the corner of the
scooter, and stops dead in her tracks as she notices his arm.
        Fifi:  "Chris?"  (rushing over to him, and then sitting next to him
on the bench looking very concerned)  "Chris, are vous okay?"
        Chris:  "Uh, 'morning Fifi."
        Fifi:  "Chris, what happened to your arm?"
        Chris:  "(sigh) I was hoping to keep it a secret, but keeping one
like this is rather difficult."
        Fifi (looking at us):  "Ah'm een love with zee, how you say,
robot?" (looking back at Chris)  "Why deedn't vous just tell moi?"
        Chris:  "Fifi, I'm not a robot.  Just my right arm and leg."
        Fifi:  "Well, zat explains zat."
        Chris:  "What?"
        Fifi:  "Zat vous left hand eez warm, but vous right hand eez cold.
Still, why were vous afraid to tell moi?"
        Chris:  "In the past, people that knew were freaked out by me.
They called me everything from deranged to deformed.  I just decided never
to tell anyone since then."
        Fifi:  "Pardon moi eef zees question eez too personal, but, how
deed something like zees happen to vous?"
        Chris:  "Well, it happened several years ago, but I remember it as
if it were, a flash-back."

(flash-back)

        Chris:  "It was 1992, and I was twelve years old.  I was in New
York City, and (as usual) just passing through.  On a sunny, Sunday
afternoon, I was on the corner of 42nd and Broadway.  Out of nowhere,
people start running in an array of directions."
        Fifi:  "Ah thought zat New York was always like zat."
        Chris:  "Fifi, please."
        Fifi:  "Sorry."
        Chris:  "It's all right.  Anyway, I was confused.  People running
and screaming, and I was just in the middle of crossing the street.
Suddenly, all was silent.  Not a soul in sight.  It was kinda creepy.  Out
of nowhere, this black sedan comes roaring at me.  He must've been doing 80
mph.  Some guy in the passenger seat aimed a rocket-launcher, and fired at
me as they sped around the corner."
        Fifi:  "What deed vous do?"
        Chris:  "What else.  I panicked.  I shielded my self with a garbage
can lid laying in the street.  I leaned into it with my right arm and leg.
When the rocket came in contact with my shield, it exploded.  The shield
discentergrated into metallic shrapnel.  It must've put a million holes in
my shoulder, and hip.  I then passed out.
        When I came too I was in a hospital bed, and my right arm and leg
had been amputated.  Now, a toon can be shot , and stabbed, but only so
much.  For me, it had been too much.  However, this story does have a
remotely happy ending.  I soon received word that the two people involved
in the drive-by were apprehended, and that they both were employed by the
fair city of New York.  In order to keep from being sued, the mayor himself
offered to replace my missing limbs, and to pay for any maintenance
required on the new ones."

(flash-forward)

        Chris:  "And that's how it happened."
        Fifi:  "For someone our age, vous have had zee many close cuts?"
        Chris:  "Close calls.  Ya know Feef, having this robotic arm is
sometimes really nice."  He sets down the fur-glove which he as been
holding in his left hand, stands up, and walks a couple of feet over to an
old cast-iron bathtub.  Lifting it up with his right hand, and holding it
above his head, he says, "It's truly amazing.  I have the strength of
twelve ordinary skunks, (during pause he sets down the tub, sits next to
Fifi, and begins stroking the under-side of her chin, with his index
finger), yet I still have the ability to handle things incredibly gently."

        As he strokes Fifi under her chin, she doesn't fight him from doing
it at all.  In fact, she closes her eyes, and almost begins floating.
However, as he quits talking, he also stops stroking under her chin.  She
slowly opens her eyes, and watches him replace the fur-glove on his hand.

        Fifi:  "Chris, would eet be okay eef ah were to tell someone else
about vous arm?"
        Chris:  "(sigh) Only your best, closest, most personal friends can
know.  But please, don't let word of this get spread around."
        Fifi:  "Ah promise, zat only mon best friends weel know."
        Chris (turning to her,  and taking her hand in his):  "Thanks Fifi.
I really hope I can trust you."

        Babs and Shirley come walking around the corner of the scooter, and
notice Chris holding Fifis' hand, as he has just finished talking to her.
        Babs:  "I stand corrected, there really is a guy that Fifi can catch."
        Shirley:  "Like, congratulations Fifi.  You finally restrained
yourself from totally scaring a guy away, er sum junk."

        Chris looks at the girls, then at Fifi (who is looking equally
surprised), and then at his hand holding hers.
        Chris:  "We were just er, um, talking."
        Babs:  "I can only begin to imagine."
        Fifi:  "Honest Babsie, eet eesent what eet might look like,
(mumbling) unfortunately."

        Chris slowly takes his hand from Fifi's.  Fifi, realizing that it
has to be earlier than she thought (because there isn't any traffic noise),
looks at a watch on her left wrist.
        Fifi:  "Sacré bleu!  Ah sought zat ah was up early zees mourning,
but zees eez ridiculous!  Eet ees only eight o'clock een zee mourning!"
        Babs:  "We heard this tapping, and then a loud noise."
        Fifi:  "Moi aussi.  Zat ees what ah heard."
        Chris (standing up):  "That would probably have been me.  I've been
working out here since six this morning."

        All three girls gaze at him in astonishment.
        Shirley:  "Like, how can you possibly do anything on only five
hours of sleep?"
        Chris:  "Easy, when you're used to traveling as much as I am.  You
have to get up early, and start walking, 'till the pavement gets hot.
That's usually when I find some sort of shade, and rest for a couple of
hours."
        Babs:  "Boy, I'll bet that gets monotonous."
        Chris:  "You get used to it after a while."
        Fifi (standing up as well):  "By zee way Chris, since nous are all
fully awake, would vous mind telling nous what all of zat noise was, how you
say, about?"  (slightly annoyed tone)
        Chris (doing a quick voice impersonation of Curly from the Three
Stooges):  "Certainly!"

        Chris leads the girls over to the old scooter.
        Chris (normal voice again):  "This is what I've been working on."
        Babs:  "Saaaaaay, isn't this one of those scooters that the
delivery guys from Acme usually ride?"
        Chris:  "Usually.  However, this one was laying in a pile of scrap
over there, and I wanted to see if I could save it."
        Fifi (eagerly / interested):  "Vous mean, vous completely rebuilt
zat old hunk of rubbeesh?"
        Chris:  "Yeah.  The body was easy.  It was the engine that was
giving me trouble."
        Shirley:  "So like, does it work, er not?"
        Chris:  "I haven't tried to start it yet, so, lets' find out."

        As Chris seats himself on the scooter, the three girls look at each
other, pull out army helmets (WWII styled), and dive behind a pile of sand
bags.  Chris turns the key, and the old motor tries, and tries.  He lets go
of the key, and the engine roars to life.  The three frightened girls look
over the bags to see the scooter running, and showing no signs of
exploding.  They proceed to remove their helmets, and hold them in one hand
as they walk over to inspect the old scooter.
        Chris (still sitting on the scooter):  "Come on, I'll treat you
three to breakfast for saving me."

        Realizing that they actually were a little hungry, the three girls
accept.
        Babs:  "Chris, there is one slight problem.  That scooter can only
hold two riders."
        Chris:  "Good point.  O.K. all, stand back!"

        They do as advised.  Chris goes-into a Tasmanian devil spin, and
soon the whole scooter, and about three feet out, are hidden by a thick
cloud of dust.  As he stops, the dust settles, and we can see that he has
some-how rigged an old motorcycle side-car to the scooter, via a steel bar.
        Chris:  "All aboard!"

        The three girls get onto the scooter.  Babs and Shirley get into
the side-car, and Fifi gets on the seat behind Chris.  All four place a
helmet on their heads.
        Shirley:  "Like, are you sure you know how to drive one of these
things, er sum junk?"
        Chris:  "Oh yeah, the accelerator on these old scooters are usually
pretty touchy, so I,"

        Before he has a chance to finish what he is saying, he barley pulls
on the handle, and the scooter rears-up.  From the back we can see a
license plate underneath the spare tire on the side-car.  The plate reads
"LATER."  Suddenly, in a cloud of dust and the screeching of tires, the
scooter and its contents are gone.
        From a sky-view, we watch the old scooter rocket out of the junk
yard and make a sharp right turn, without loosing any speed.  View to
Shirley.  She has a rather frightened look on her face.
        Shirley:  "Like, if we wanted to get to Weenie Burgers like this,
we would've let Babs drive, er sum junk."
        Babs:  "HEY!"
        All:  "AAAUUUUGGHHHH!!!"

        From behind, looking down slightly, we can see a semi-truck
bearing-down on the four toons, with its horn blaring.  At the last
possible second, Chris jerks the handle bars to the left slightly, and then
hard to the right, as the scooter veers out of the truck's path.
        Chris (wiping his forehead with his left hand):  "Whew!  That was
too close."
        Fifi (tapping Chris' shoulder):  "Zere eet ees, on zee corner."

        In response, Chris pulls the scooter into a left-turn slide, and
jerks to a halt outside of Weenie Burgers, as the side-car tire hits the
curb.  Chris kills the motor, and puts the key in his fur-coat pocket (on
his right hip).  All four remove their helmets and toss them into the
side-car, as they walk into the burger-joint.


        int. Weenie Burgers.  Fifi, Babs, and Shirley are sitting in a
booth gossiping, while Chris stands at the counter.
        Slappy Squirrel:  "What can I do ya for?"
        Chris:  "Do you ever work in the same place for more than two days
in a row?"
        Slappy:  "Not unless I get paid extra."
        Chris:  "Oh well.  I'll have one breakfast burger for myself, and,"
        Slappy (pointing at the three talking girls in the booth with her
thumb):  "You with those three?"
        Chris:  "Yeah, why?"
        Slappy:  "Wait here."

        Slappy turns around, grabs a tray, and then shoves it across the
counter to Chris.
        Slappy:  "This is the breakfast version of what I always serve
those three.  That'll be eight bucks."

        Chris reaches back into his hip pocket, and produces forth a five,
and three ones' (currency).
        Chris:  "Thanks Ms. Squirrel."
        Slappy (taking the money):  "Would ya like a forklift to go with that?"
        Chris:  "Nah, I think I can handle it."

        In saying such, he picks-up the tray with his right hand, and
balances it with his left.  He walks over to the table where the girls are
sitting, and sets the tray down, pushing it into the middle of the table.
He then sits next to Fifi.
        Shirley:  "Like, how did you carry all of this without totally
hurting your back, er sum junk?"
        Fifi:  "Ah already told vous about hees arm, et leg."
        Babs:  "Yeah, but we thought you were just joking Feef!"
        Fifi:  "Eet ees no joke!  And whatever vous two do, (Fifi suddenly
sticks her head above the bench, and looks around, to see if anyone is
watching / listening in on their conversation. She then quickly pulls her
head back to the group), don't tell anyone but Buster!"
        Shirley:  "Like, why?"
        Chris:  "If you don't mind, it's kind of for my own personal
well-being, if ya know what I mean.  After all, I'm sure that there are
things about you, that you wouldn't even want Babs, or Fifi to know about."

        Both girls eye the innocent looking Loon carefully.
        Chris:  "And I'm sure that the same goes for you two, as well."

        All three girls look solemnly, at the table.
        Chris:  "Sorry guys, er, girls.  But don't take it so hard.
Please!  After all, those secrets are what keep each and every one of us
unique.  Now, lets eat."

        As if to be in instant agreement, the three girls perk-up, and
begin eating with Chris.

        -To Be Continued-

        If you liked the story, or didn't, please E-mail me at
cneu@trib.com .  Please have a reason though.  For those of you skeptics,
and critics, and curious types that noticed any obvious plot-holes, don't
worry.  I hope to 'tie-up' any 'loose-ends' in the conclusion of this
story.