"Toons of a Feather"
by Gypsy (MST3KGypsy@earthling.net)
7-13-97
Gwen Hen, Gordon Swan, Jasmine Whitefeather, Penny Pig, Steve
Gander, Derek, and Carla are my own creations.  Mona Mallard is the
creation of Zachary A. Zulkowski and is used with permission.  All other
characters used without permission.
For the background of this story I suggest you read my fanfic "A Change
of Heart" and Zachary's story "The Undiscovered Campus".

1
	It was a very important day at Acme Looniversity: Student
Orientation Day.
	Because Acme Loo and Perfecto Prep were merging, there would
be lots of new students around the campus- not just ex-Perfecto students,
but also other students who had decided to transfer to Acme Loo.  And as
if new students- especially new students from _Perfecto_- weren't enough,
there was to be a new teacher as well- Miss Gandra Dee, who was
imported from another cartoon universe.  It was rumored that she had been
hired mainly as a role model for all the girls, as there were only two other
female teachers at Acme: Lola Bunny, the girls' coach; and Petunia Pig,
the home ec teacher.
	As the first bell rang, all the Acme students gathered in the gym for
the special assembly in honor of the new students.  Looking at the crowd
of anxious teenagers gathered in the middle of the gym, Shirley McLoon
picked out several Perfecto toons- Roderick and Rubella Rat, Margot
Mallard, and Danford Duck especially stood out.  She also noticed several
students she had never seen before, including a young female chicken, a
pretty girl pig, and three toons whose species was questionable.  Shirl
spotted who must have been the new teacher.  She was a tall slender
female duck with a great figure and long blonde hair.  Shirley grinned to
herself, imagining how many guys would have a crush on the pretty young
teacher.  Luckily, Miss Dee was seeing a duck from her own universe- and
there were rumors that they were soon to be engaged.
	Just as Shirl was about to look away from the group, something
caught her eyes.  She groaned when she saw four other toons she knew all
too well.
	"Like, Babs, bad news.  Look over there," Shirley pointed.
	Babs Bunny looked where her friend was pointing.  "Oh no," the
bunny moaned.
	It was Gizelle Swan, Shirl's worst enemy.  Along with Gizelle were
Jasmine Whitefeather, Jasmine's boyfriend Steve Gander, and Gizelle's
brother Gordon.  Shirl remembered all too well the trouble the two girls
had caused her.  In fact, they had almost cost Shirl her boyfriend, Plucky
Duck, not to mention all of her friends.
	Bugs Bunny, principal of Acme Loo, stepped out in front of the
crowd of new toons.
	"Eh, what's up docs?  Today I'm proud to welcome dese new
students to Acme Loo.  I hope dat you old students will show dem de
respect and friendship that you would show each other."  Bugs went on to
pass out schedules to the new students, and to point out the members of
the Student Government Association who could help out.  "Also, I'd like to
welcome our new chemistry teacher, Gandra Dee."  He gave Gandra a
look that made Lola start to steam.  "As dis is her first teaching position, I
hope all of you will be well-behaved for her as she gets used to the new
school."  After what seemed like an eternity, Bugs said, "That's all folks,
you're dismissed."
	As Shirl, Babs, Plucky, and their other friends Buster Bunny,
Hamton Pig, and Fifi LaFume left the gym, all the others were chattering
happily; even Babs had already forgotten about the swans.  The boys-
especially Plucky- were talking dreamily of the new teacher, while the
girls (luckily oblivious to their boyfriends' conversation) gossiped about
all the new people they had to gossip about.  Only Shirley was silent,
worrying about the swans.  She wondered just how this would work out.

2
	As Plucky and Shirley stood in the hallway gathering their books
for their first classes, Shirl looked up to see the girl chicken she had
noticed during the assembly.
	"Like, hi," Shirley said to her.  "Like welcome to Acme Loo or
some junk."
	"Hi," said the new girl shyly.  She looked very nervous.  She was
rather pretty, but looked very young.  She was wearing a plain blue dress
and no makeup.
	"Like I'm Shirley McLoon, and this is Plucky Duck."
	"Hi," said the girl again.  "I'm Gwen Hen."
	"What grade are you in?" asked Shirley.
	"Tenth," said Gwen.
	"You're _our_ age?" asked Plucky, surprised.
	Shirley nudged him to be quiet.  "Like that's totally cool."
	"Um, could anyone show me to Professor Daffy's room?  I'm in his
homeroom," Gwen asked nervously.
	"Like, that's what room I'm in too," said Shirl.  "You can come
with me and Plucky."
	The three fowls walked to Professor Daffy's room together.  Shirl
took her usual seat by the window, Plucky beside her and Gwen behind
her.  Just then Fowlmouth walked in.
	"Hey Shirl!" he yelled.  Plucky rolled his eyes.  Even though _he_
had been going with Shirley for over a month now, Fowlmouth still hadn't
figured out that this meant Shirl was unavailable.
	"Hello Fowlmouth," said Shirl without enthusiasm.
	"Who is that?" Gwen whispered to Shirley after Fowlmouth had
walked by.
	"Like that's Fowlmouth.  He like has a major crush on me and he
won't leave me alone, even though I'm like seeing Plucky.  Why?"  Shirl
was surprised to see Gwen blush a little.
	"No reason.  Just, um, trying to get to know everyone."
	A minute later, Plucky tossed Shirley a note.  She unfolded it and
read: "Yeah right."

	Meanwhile, in Professor Bugs's homeroom, Babs and Buster were
faced with stiff competition.  The three mysterious toons were taking over
the bunnies' usual audience.  The new kids told jokes that made everyone,
even Bugs himself, laugh out loud, while Babs and Buster couldn't get
them to crack a smile.
	When, halfway through the class, the strange girl toon did a spin
change that put Babs to shame, Babs handed Buster a note.  It read,
"Looks like we're outnumbered.  Think we could team up with them?" 
Buster looked at her and shrugged.
	After class, the bunnies approached the three new toons.
	"Hi, I'm Babs Bunny."
	"And I'm Buster Bunny."
	"No relation."
	The three toons looked at each other and grinned.
	"We're the Warner Brothers," said the two boys.
	"And the Warner Sister!" added the girl.
	"Relation," they said together.
	"Heeeeeey," mused Babs, "you might have something there."
	Buster stuck out his hand.  Each of the Warners shook it.  "So do
you kids have _first_ names?"
	"I'm Yakko," said the tallest boy, who seemed to be the leader of
the trio.
	"I'm Wakko," said the other guy.
	"And I'm cuuuuuuuuuute," said the girl, giggling.
	Babs Bunny smiled.  "I think we're going to get along just fine."

3
	At lunch, the girls' table was considerably more crowded.  Instead
of just the Acme Loo girls- Babs, Shirl, Fifi, Elmyra, Mary Melody, and
Sweetie Bird- the Warner sister (who finally said her name was Dot),
Gwen, and the girl pig, who introduced herself as Penny Pig, sat there. 
Soon Rubella Rat and Margot Mallard appeared.
	"Hi," said Ruby, rather nervously, Babs thought.  "You mind if we
sit here?"
	"Not at all," said Babs as she moved over to make room.  She
figured that since the Perfecto students _had_ to play by Acme Loo rules,
there was no point in continuing the long-standing rivalry.  After all, Ruby
wasn't _that_ bad.  Of course, Margot was another story...
	Ruby smiled, more at ease, but Margot just glared at everyone as
they sat down.  Mona Mallard, Margot's little sister who had been at Acme
Loo for some time, approached the table shyly.  She usually sat by herself,
or ate in the library, but today she seemed to want company.  Maybe she
thinks she'll fit in better now that there are some other kids here, thought
Shirl.  She had never had anything against Mona; in fact, the younger toon
seemed rather nice.  She just had a reputation as a nerd around Acme Loo
because she spent so much time in the library.  Shirley decided that it was
time Mona actually had some friends.
	"Like, hi, Mona," said Shirl.  "Come sit with us."  Smiling
gratefully, the young duck sat down.  Fortunately, she didn't see the glare
her older sister gave her.
	"So who's coming to the dinner next weekend?" Babs asked as an
ice-breaker.
	"Meeeee!" chimed all the girls.
	"I hear eet ees a tres, how you say, formal affair," said Fifi.  "Fancy
dress, and vous must have a date to enter."
	"You do?" asked Gwen and Mona at the same time.  They both
sounded worried.
	"Yeah, but with all the new guys, snagging a date will be a cinch,"
said Mary.
	"Uh... hi," said a voice.  The girls looked up to see Gizelle and
Jasmine.
	"Hello," said Gwen brightly, unaware of the tension between the
swans and the Acme Loo students.  Babs, Fifi, Sweetie, and Mary looked
down, embarassed.  Elmyra stared around with her usual vacant
expression.  Dot, Ruby, and Penny looked at each other in confusion, as
Shirley gave the swans a forced smile.  Only Margot seemed at ease with
the swans.
	"Gizelle!  Jasmine!  So good to see you, girls!" she gushed.
	"Hello Margot," the swans droned together.  It was quite apparent
that their opinions of the duck were not very high.
	The swans sat down, but no one else said a word.  Margot, sensing
that they weren't very glad to see her, got angrier than ever and sulked for
the rest of the lunch period.  Gwen was silent after her greeting; she
realized that _something_ was up.  After that, the table was unnaturally
quiet until the bell.
	"What was that all about?" Gwen asked Shirley as they left the
table when the bell rang.
	"Like don't worry about it," said Shirley darkly as she walked off. 
"It's not important."

	Things were better off at the guys' table.  Even Roderick and
Danford were accepted pretty quickly, and the Warner Brothers were a hit.
	Plucky noticed that Hamton wasn't talking.  That wasn't what
worried the duck.  What worried him was the fact that Hammy wasn't even
_eating_.  This meant something was _definitely_ up.
	"What's the matter, Hammy?" Plucky asked as they headed off to
class.
	"Oh, nothing at all," said the pig.  He only stared dreamily ahead of
him.
	"Then why the lost expression?"
	"Oh I was just thinking."
	"About?"  No way Plucky was going to let Hamton off the hook on
this one.
	"Penny," said the pig without thinking.  "I- I mean, er-" he
stammered as he realized what he said.
	"Ohhhh," said Plucky knowingly.  "Finally there's a girl who's your
own species, eh?  But what about Fifi?  I thought you were seeing her."
	"I am," said Hamton sadly.  "That's the problem.  I don't want to
hurt Fifi's feelings, but-"
	"Take it from an expert at love, Hammy," began Plucky.  Hamton
gave Plucky a sharp look, which the duck ignored.  "If you like a girl,
there's no hiding it.  Sooner or later, Fifi's gonna realize that you like
Penny, and if you haven't told her, she's going to be madder than if you tell
her now.  So just go ahead and break it off with her."
	Hamton wondered about the wisdom of this.  To him, dumping a
long-time girlfriend because another girl came along seemed a little cruel. 
But still, he _did_ like Penny a lot already, and Fifi was a bit... emotional. 
It would be nice to have a _sensible_ girlfriend for once.  "You really
think so?" Hamton asked finally.
	"Of course," said Plucky.  "I know all about romance.  See how I
have Shirl wrapped around my little finger?"
	That was _definitely_ a point for debate.  Even though he wasn't
particulary close friends with Shirley, Hamton had a feeling that her and
Plucky's relationship would be all over if she had heard him say that. 
Hamton finally voiced his last worry.  "But what if Penny won't go out
with me after I've already broken up with Fifi?"
	Plucky shrugged.  "I'm sure she'll go out with you.  You're the only
pig around, after all.  Anyway, don't worry about that now.  You can cross
that bridge when you come to it."

4
	Hamton wasn't the only toon in Dreamland.  In Miss Dee's class,
every guy was totally out to lunch.
	Babs finally tied Buster's ears over his eyes as a last resort.  Shirley
noticed her boyfriend's vacant expression.  So much for total devotion
from the Pluckster.  Even the guys who weren't usually interested in girls,
like Furrball and Dizzy Devil, were staring happily.  Little Beeper had
melted into a red and orange pool on his desk.  It was going to be a
loooooooong year.

	After the final bell, Shirley and Gwen hurried to catch up to Babs
and Fifi.
	"Like, is it all right if Gwen comes over tonight too?" Shirl asked. 
She and the other two had been planning a slumber party, but she didn't
want Gwen to feel left out.
	"Sure," said Babs.  She turned to Gwen.  "The whole gang's headed
to Weenie Burger to hang for awhile, then we're going to Shirl's house."
	"Okay," said Gwen happily.
	When they got to Weenie Burger, they saw that _everyone_ was
there.  Babs and Buster paired up immediately, and Plucky sat down next
to Shirl and put his arm around her.  Fowlmouth walked by and glared at
the couple, and Shirl thought she saw Gwen watching him, but then she
couldn't be sure.  What was going on with the young chicken anyway? 
Maybe, just maybe, this was a way to get rid of Fowlmouth...

	Dot sat at the counter sipping a large milkshake, which was just
about the only thing on the menu that didn't appear to still be alive. 
Suddenly a greenish, odd-looking toon hopped up on the stool next to her.
	"Hi," he said.
	"Hi," said Dot.  "Who are you?"
	"I'm Gogo Dodo," the toon said.  "I can do something weird with
my tongue."  He hopped off the stool, did a flip and somehow managed to
stand on his tongue.  Dot giggled and wondered if he was showing off for
her.
	"Who are you?" Gogo said, jumping back onto the stool.
	"I'm... I'm..."  Dot had been about to use her "I'm cute" line again,
but she suddenly felt very odd.  Something seemed to be preventing her
from talking.  She began to float off the stool and she noticed hearts
floated in the air around her.  She turned back to Gogo.
	"Helllllllllllllo nurse!" she cried.

	"Hello, 'Amton," said Fifi, putting her arms around her boyfriend.
	"Uh Fifi, I uh wanted to talk to you," said the pig nervously.
	"Yes?" asked the skunk, wrapping her purple tail around him.
	"Um uh um uh I uh that is I um- Fifi, I want to break up with you,"
he finally blurted out, feeling like a villain.
	"_What_?!?" cried Fifi.
	"Fifi, I'm really sorry.  I like you a lot, and I still want to be friends,
but well I'm in love with someone else."
	Fifi sniffed pathetically.  "I understand," she said, although it was
obvious that she didn't.  Tears filled her eyes.  "Goodbye, 'Amton."  She
got up and walked over to an empty booth, weeping bitterly.
	Hamton was surprised that he got off that easy- although Fifi's
distress was heartbreaking.  He began to regret having taken Plucky's
advice- until Penny asked if she could sit down at his table.
	"Is she your girlfriend?" the female pig asked.
	"She _was_," said Hamton.  "I um, well I just broke up with her."
	"Why?"
	"Well..."  Hamton thought frantically for an excuse.  "I um...  well
it's kind of a species thing.  You know, she's a skunk, I'm a pig... it would
never work."
	"I see," said Penny.  "I only date my own species.  My mom always
says 'Never date someone you wouldn't marry.'  And I'd _never_ marry
someone _furry_!"
	Hamton relaxed.  This was a good start.
	Alone in the booth, Fifi sank in despair.  "Le sob!" the skunk
moaned.  "Le boo hoo.  Le reelly beeg sob!"
	"Hey, whassa matter?" asked a voice.  Fifi wiped her eyes and saw
that Yakko Warner had sat down across from her.
	"My boyfriend has, how you say, dumped me!" she cried, looking
at where Hamton was already talking with Penny.  "For another woman!"
	"Aw gee, I'm really sorry," Yakko said, taking Fifi's hand.  "That's
always tough.  I can't see why he'd want another girl over a pretty thing
like you."
	Fifi began to feel better.  "Reelly?"
	"Yeah.  You're the most gorgeous toon I've ever met."  Yakko
began to look dreamy.
	Fifi leaned towards him.  Things were definitely looking up.  "Are
you, how you say, unattached?"

4
	Later that night, Shirley, Babs, Fifi, and Gwen were seated in
Shirley's room.  Fifi had been talking about Yakko all night, and Babs was
thinking of duct taping her mouth shut.  Gwen had been pretty quiet, and
Shirl wondered if the young chicken still wasn't comfortable with her new
friends.
	"I have an idea," said Babs during a lull in the conversation.  "Let's
play Truth or Dare!"
	"Like great idea Babs," said Shirl.  "You go first."
	"Okay..."  Babs looked at each of the other girls, pretending to
consider carefully.  "Fifi!" she cried making the skunk jump.
	"What...?" Fifi asked, coming to her senses.
	"Wake up, lovergirl.  It's truth or dare."  Babs screwed up her face
in thought.  "I know!  Fifi, who was your first kiss?"
	The skunk turned bright pink.  "What's the dare?"
	"Either answer the question or... um... go on a date with Dizzy
Devil!"
	"All right, all right, I'll tell," muttered the skunk.  She blushed
deeper and said quietly, "Calamity Coyote."
	"_Calamity?!?_" Babs and Shirley shrieked at once.  They burst out
laughing.
	"Yes, I used to like him," Fifi said hotly.  Then she grinned.  "Your
turn, Barbara Ann Bunny."
	Babs glowered.  "You know better that to call me that!"
	Fifi smiled sweetly.  "Babs, have you ever kissed anyone besides
Buster?"  Babs opened her mouth.  "Like, you can't lie, Pinky," cautioned
Shirley with a big grin.  "I can like read your mind if I have to."
	"Dare?" asked Babs.
	Shirley and Fifi whispered together a moment, then Fifi said, "If
you don't answer the question we'll tell Professor Bugs that you used to
have a crush on him!"
	"You wouldn't!" gasped Babs.  "Besides that was _last_ year!"
	Fifi shrugged.  "Take eet or leave eet."
	"Okay," sighed Babs.  "Besides Buster I've also kissed Harriet's
brother Henry.  And uh I kissed Hamton in third grade.  And Plucky."
	"You kissed _Plucky_?" asked Shirley, beginning to get mad.
	"Hey we were playing Spin the Bottle at Buster's birthday party
when we were five.  It doesn't exactly count.  Besides, it's your turn, Loon
Girl."  Babs was obviously glad to get off the subject of her past romances,
especially before she had to admit that she had also kissed Calamity.  Babs
and Fifi discussed their question a minute then turned to Shirley with evil
grins.
	"Okay, Shirl.  Either you go to school without any clothes like Fifi,
or you tell us _exactly_ what you and Fowlmouth did on your date last
summer!"
	Shirley glared at them.  "That is like totally unfair.  I like have to
tell.  If I went to school naked, he'd never leave me alone!"
	Babs and Fifi burst out laughing.  Gwen looked at Shirley.
	"I didn't know you used to date Fowlmouth."
	"I didn't," Shirl said, exchanging side-long looks with Babs and
Fifi.  "It was like a one time thing.  Like, all we did was go to see this
stupid movie then he got kicked out ten minutes into the show.  Fifi, you
were there."
	"Oui, with Johnny Pew, that _skunk_!" Fifi said, wrinkling her
nose.
	"Like, it's your turn Gwen," said Shirl.  She knew exactly how to
get the hen to admit what she had been mooning about all day.  "Like,
either tell us who you have a crush on, or- uh-"
	"Or make fun of Margot Mallard in public!" finished Babs.  Shirl
and Fifi gave her high fives; _no one_ would dare risk their life by raising
Margot's ire.
	Gwen blushed even more than Fifi had.  "Fowlmouth," she said in
a low voice.
	Babs and Fifi, who hadn't noticed what Shirley had, just stared at
each other then burst out laughing.
	"_Fowlmouth_?!?" Babs cried.  "That immature-"
	"-rude-" laughed Fifi.
	"-short-"
	"-idiotic-"
	"Rooster?!?" they finished together.
	"Girl," said Babs, "you gotta be out of your mind."

	Shirley woke up in the middle of the night.  Something had
disturbed her aura, but she couldn't figure out what.  Babs and Fifi were
both sleeping peacefully.  Then Shirl realized that Gwen was gone.
	The loon went downstairs and found Gwen out on the porch of
Shirl's old house.  The hen was staring out into space dejectedly.
	"Like, what's wrong, Gwen?  You like have mondo distressing
vibes or some junk."
	Gwen sighed.  "It's Fowlmouth.  I really like him, but he hasn't
noticed me at all.  He likes _you_ so much he'd never pay attention to me. 
And besides, even if I did go out with him, everyone would laugh at me."
	Shirley smiled at her friend.  "Like, about that- even if they did,
you'd still be happy dating him, wouldn't you?"
	Gwen nodded.
	"Well, like, that's justification enough for dating him.  And like, as
for getting him- just make him notice you.  He'll forget all about _me_-
and everyone will be happier."
	"But how?"
	Shirley thought a minute.  "I know!  Like, earlier you told me that
you were having trouble in Professor Leghorn's math class.  Well, like,
Fowlmouth is Foghorn's best student- the professor is FM's mentor, you
know- so like why don't you just ask him for help or some junk?"
	Gwen looked down.  It seemed like a good enough plan, but she
was so shy.  It was easy enough for charismatic Shirley to talk to guys, but
Gwen had never dated before.  Still she didn't want to hurt Shirley's
feelings by telling her no.
	"Thanks for the advice, Shirl," Gwen said finally.  "I'll try
sometime before the dinner."
	"Like, no problemo.  It'll work, fer sure."

5
	The next Monday was even more interesting than the Orientation
Day, because over the weekend all the new toons had made their
alligences to the various cliches at Acme Loo.  Roddy and Danford and
their girlfriends Ruby and Margot hung out with the popular toons: Buster,
Babs, Plucky, and Shirley.  Mona and Gwen became fast friends, even
though they were in different grades.  Penny and Hamton were already a
couple by the end of the weekend, and luckily Fifi was too wrapped up in
Yakko to notice.  Dot and Gogo became known as the wackiest couple at
Acme Loo, and everyone knew that whatever classes they were in together
would be totally surreal.  Everyone was basically settled in- except for the
swans.
	Everyone at Acme Loo remembered the trouble Gizelle and
Jasmine had caused, and no one wanted anything to do with them.  Even
the boys were ignored as much as possible.  Gizelle was getting worried
that she would never fit in.
	They had not, however, counted on Mona Mallard.

	From the moment Mona had first seen Gordon, she knew it was
love.  He was the most handsome fowl she had ever seen- and he was a
swan!  The only problem was that she felt she didn't have a chance.  After
all, her nickname was "Mo-Nerd".  With a reputation like that, she'd never
been able to go out with a _swan_...
	On Tuesday afternoon after school, Mona decided to stay in the
library and study a while.  She knew that if she went home, Margot would
tease her about actually studying- the years at Perfecto had taken their toll
on the older Mallard girl.  Besides, Mona liked the large library filled with
every book ever published about cartoons and animation.
	Mona had just begun to study about the history of the feud between
roadrunners and coyotes, when a voice interrupted her.  She looked up
from her book and found herself face to face with Gordon Swan.
	"Um, you mind if I sit here?" he asked.
	"N-no, g-go ahead," Mona stammered, not believing her good
fortune.  Although she would _never_ get any studying done now...
	Gordon pulled out a chair and sat down across the table from her. 
Mona kept her eyes on her book but didn't do anything but stare at the
letters printed in it.
	"What are you still doing here?" Gordon asked her.
	She looked up again.  "I'm uh studying for a test in Professor
Coyote's class."
	Gordon looked puzzled.  "I thought that test was today.  Gizelle
takes that class and she studied last night."
	Mona flushed.  Of course!  She should have remembered that
Gordon's sister took Wile E. Coyote's class.
	"Well um, yeah it was today, but uh Professor Coyote's a little
biased, and I wanted to find out the real background of the
roadrunner/coyote relationship."
	"Ohh, I see."  To her surprise, he didn't laugh at her for studying
for a test that she had already taken.  "I had heard that he's not really fair. 
I overheard Little Beeper saying that he wouldn't even take the course
because of it."
	"Well I think that's mainly the principle of the thing," replied
Mona, forgetting her nervousness at the chance of a good debate. 
"Calamity Coyote won't take Professor Road Runner's class either, and
everyone knows that he's the fairest teacher at Acme Loo."
	"You have a point," commented Gordon.  "So do Daffy and
Foghorn favor birds?  I might need to transfer into their classes."  He
grinned.
	Mona smiled back.  "Daffy doesn't like much of anybody, but
Foghorn definitely plays favorites.  At least with the chickens.  Gwen Hen
was telling me today that Fowlmouth was Leggy's best student.  Although
maybe FM's just good in math..."
	"What about that new teacher?  Gandra Dee?"
	Mona's heart sank.  _All_ the guys loved Miss Dee.
	"When I was in her class, she didn't seem to favor anyone.  Of
course all the boys were falling all over themselves trying to be nice to
her."
	Gordon laughed.  "That's so silly of them.  The woman's engaged,
for Heaven's sake!  They need to stick to people their own age."
	Mona was relieved.  At least _he_ wasn't google-eyed over Gandra.
	Just then Margot stuck her head in the library door.  "Hey Mo-
Nerd!  C'mon!  Did you forget Mom wanted to go shopping?  Hurry up!"
	Mona blushed at her embarrassing nickname as Margot left.  "Oh I
did forget.  I gotta go."  Not looking up, she quickly gathered her books
and started to leave.  She jumped when she felt Gordon grab her arm.
	"Wait a minute," he said.  "Are you going to the dinner this
Friday?"
	She shook her head.  "No."
	"Why not?"
	Mona swallowed and looked down again.  "I don't have a date. 
They won't let you in single."
	"Oh, one of those stupid rules.  The adults think it encourages
relationships, but all it does is make the single kids feel bad."
	She looked up in surprise.  "That's exactly what I think!"
	He laughed.  "Maybe that's just 'cos we don't have dates."
	"Good point."  Mona looked fearfully towards the door in case
Margot should come back.
	"Say Mona," Gordon continued, almost nervously.  "If you _want_
to go to the dinner, I can always take you.  That way we could both get in."
	Mona couldn't believe her ears!  The man of her dreams had
actually asked her out!  "Sure," she replied.  "Sounds good."
	"Great!" he said, grinning at her.  "I'll come pick you up then."
	"Okay!"
	"_Mona!!!_" yelled Margot.
	Mona actually had the courage to roll her eyes.  "I'd better go
before she slaughters me.  See you."
	"Bye," he said, squeezing her hand before he let it go.
	Mona ran outside.  Margot glared at her from the front seat of their
mom's car.
	"What took you so long?" she snapped.
	Mona shrugged as she got in the back seat.  This was _her_ secret. 
"Nothing much."

6
	On Wednesday, Shirley got to school early.  She had left her
chemistry book at school the night before and had some homework to
catch up on.
	Sitting in the library, she opened her book and began working. 
Just as she finished answering the last of the questions, she heard the door
slam.  Looking up, she beheld Gizelle and Jasmine.  Shirl began to be
worried.  They would certainly have realized that _she_ was the reason
everyone was ignoring them.  What would they do to her?
	"Shirley," began Gizelle nervously, "we want to apologize for the
way we acted.  We were very mean to you."
	Shirley stared.  The spiteful swans were actually _apologizing_ to
her?
	"Like, why are you sorry _now_?"
	"Well, we uh have thought a long time about what happened and
um realized that we were wrong," stammered Gizelle.
	"And no one will have anything to do with us," added Jasmine. 
Gizelle elbowed her angrily, and Shirl realized the _real_ reason behind
the apology.  The swans were tired of being ignored, and they thought that
getting on good terms with Shirley was a way to win friendships.
	Shirley wondered what to do.  Should she accept the apology, even
though it was false?  Or should she not forgive the insincere swans?
	She could feel her aura inside her.  It was whispering, "Like,
forgive them or some junk.  It's like the right thing to do, and even though
they're cruel, you don't have to be."  Shirl knew that her aura was right. 
Besides, the feud _was_ getting kind of old.  It was time to move on.
	"Like, I accept your apology or some junk," Shirley finally said.
	Gizelle smiled.  "Friends?"
	"Friends."

	Gwen was sitting in Professor Leghorn's class, doing what she did
most- thinking about Fowlmouth.  All the other toons said he was
immature, but Gwen thought the way he acted was cute.  She glanced over
at him.  He was taking notes on Foghorn's lecture- because Shirley wasn't
in this class, Fowlmouth actually paid attention.
	"Gwen, ah say, Gwen!"  Professor Leghorn's voice broke into her
thoughts.  She jumped, embarassed.
	"Quit yer daydreamin' and come work this problem.  Equation, that
is!"  Gwen walked up to the front of the room and picked up a piece of
chalk.  She stared at the problem written on the board.  Not only did she
not understand at all, it didn't help that she hadn't paid attention all week. 
She scribbled with the chalk a few minutes then gave up and went back to
her desk.
	"Where in tarnation have you been all week?" Professor Leghorn
snapped.  "Can ya _read_, hon?!?  You didn't even copy the numbers
right!"
	All the students in the room burst out laughing.  Gwen blushed and
looked down.
	"Fowlmouth, ah say, Fowlmouth, you come up and rework this." 
The little rooster went up to the front of the room and finished the
problem in minutes.
	"Good job, son," said Foghorn as the bell rang.  As the students
filed out, he stopped Gwen.
	"Ah say, Gwen, ah've noticed that you don't seem to be applying
yourself.  Trying, that is.  You need to work a little harder."
	"Yes sir," signed Gwen as she left.
	That afternoon she sat in her room and tried to get up the courage
to call Fowlmouth.  If she was going to pass Professor Leghorn's course
she would _have_ to have some help.  And maybe Shirley's plan _would_
work.  Finally Gwen looked up Fowlmouth's number and dialed it.
	She almost lost her nerve when someone picked up, but she made
herself hang on.
	"Hello?" said a female voice.  She didn't sound particularly nice,
but Gwen managed to say, "Hi, is Fowlmouth there?"
	"Yeah," said the voice, then Gwen heard her yell, "Hey
Fowlmouth!  There's actually a _girl_ on the phone for you.  You better
hurry before she hangs up, this may be yer only chance!"
	Then Gwen heard Fowlmouth saying, "Give me that!" as he
apparently grappled for the phone.
	"Uh hello?" he said hopefully.
	"Hi.  It's Gwen."
	"Who?  Ohh."  He sounded disappointed.
	"You were hoping I was Shirley weren't you," said Gwen bitterly
without thinking.  Suddenly she realized what she had said, but clamped
her beak shut before she said anything else stupid.
	"Well uh actually yeah I was," he said finally.
	"I'm sorry," she said, then nearly kicked herself.
	"Yeah well don't worry about it, not your dadgum fault.  What can
I do for you?"
	Gwen almost asked if he would like a list, but stopped herself just
in time.  "I need help in Foghorn's class.  I thought maybe you could help
me since you're his best student."
	He laughed a little.  "Yeah well that's just because I'm the only
dadgum rooster there.  But you need help?"
	"You saw me today," she said, surprised to find herself laughing.
	"Yeah, well...  You wanna come over now?  We have a dadgum
test tomorrow."
	"Er sure, yeah, that would be great," she stammered.  "Where do
you live?"
	He gave directions that she hoped she would remember, then hung
up.  Gwen ran into the kitchen where her mother was cooking dinner.
	"Mom?  Can I go over to a friend's house to study for a test?"
	"Who is it, dear?" asked her mom.  "Mona?"
	"Um no.  He's a guy in Professor Leghorn's class.  He's the best
student in there and I really need help if I'm going to pass," Gwen said
hurriedly.
	"All right, go ahead.  But be back by dinner time."
	"Okay, thanks, Mom."  Gwen gave her mother a kiss then bolted
out the door.

	Fowlmouth lived in a rather small coop near the swamp.  It wasn't
exactly what Gwen had expected, but she gulped and knocked anyway. 
To her relief, Fowlmouth opened the door.
	"Hi," she said in a small voice.
	"Hi," he replied.  "Come on in."
	He led her through a room where two older teenage chickens were
flopped on a sofa watching TV.
	"Hey, who's the chick?" the guy said.
	"Oh it's that kid who was on the phone I bet," said the girl, who
must have been the one to answer the phone.
	"'Bout time he actually got a girl," snickered the guy.
	"Shaddup, Derek," snapped Fowlmouth.  He gave Gwen an
embarrassed look.  "C'mon."
	He led her to his room, and shut the door.  It was a typical
teenager's room, if a little on the small side.  "Sorry about them,"
Fowlmouth said, blushing.  "My dadgum brother Derek and sister Carla."
	"Family," said Gwen, making a face.  "They're all the same."
	He broke into a grin.  "You have dadgum brothers or sisters?"
	"A sister.  She left for college this year though.  She bugged me all
the time, but I miss her."
	"I won't dadgum miss those two," he muttered.  Even then, they
could be heard yelling at each other from the other room.  After trying to
study for five minutes, Gwen knew she couldn't concentrate.
	"You want to come to my house?" she asked.  "It's, um-"
	"Dadgum quieter?  Sure."
	They managed to sneak out without the older chickens seeing
them.  Gwen quickly introduced Fowlmouth to her mother, who
immediately asked if he wanted to stay for dinner.  "Sure," he said,
obviously glad to get away from his own family.
	An hour later, Gwen was fairly certain that she understood the
math, at least well enough to pass the test.  As long as she paid attention
from now on...
	"So you got any other dadgum family?" Fowlmouth asked, leaning
back with his hands behind his head.
	"My dad's out of town a lot, so usually it's just me and Mom."
	"At least you _have_ both parents.  My mom left my dad when I
was just a little kid," said Fowlmouth.  "Dad isn't home much, which
leaves me with the two dadgum terror siblings."
	"Oh, I'm sorry," said Gwen, feeling bad for him.
	"Thanks," he said.  "No one's ever told me that."
	Gwen was surprised.  No wonder people thought Fowlmouth was
rude!  Considering what he had to live with...  He just needed a chance.
	After dinner, Gwen and Fowlmouth went outside.
	"I guess I better be getting home," he said.  "It's getting dadgum
dark out here."
	She nodded.  Naturally she didn't want him to leave, but at least
this was a start.
	"Ya know something?  You're real cute," Fowlmouth said out of
nowhere.
	Gwen stared at him.  "Really?"
	"Yeah, I mean it."
	She blushed.  "Thanks."  She looked at him sideways.  "So are
you."
	"Yeah?"
	She nodded, and again speaking without thinking, she told him
everything.  "I really like you, but I thought you'd never go out with me
because of Shirley."
	"Really?  Well she- I mean, she's a great girl, but she never really- I
dunno, she just never gave me a chance."  He looked at Gwen, then said,
"Gwen?  Can I ask you something?"
	"What?"
	"Will you be my girl?"
	Gwen was shocked.  "Of course!  I mean, uh, well yeah."
	He grinned at her.  "Good.  So you're coming to the dadgum party
Friday with me?"
	She nodded.  "Yeah, I'll come."
	"Well I'll see ya tomorrow.  Bye.  Oh and Gwen?"
	"What?"
	He smiled at her again.  "Thanks."
	"Bye," said Gwen watching him walk off.  She absolutely couldn't
believe it.  And she thought he was in love with Shirley!  Maybe all that
was just a ruse anyway.  Maybe he never liked Shirley that much at all and
everyone else was just making more out of it than they should.  Oh well,
she thought, all that's behind me now.
	And she ran inside to call Shirley.

7
	Shirley couldn't sleep that night.  After getting off the phone with
Gwen, she had felt disturbed.  Somehow, after all the fuss she had made
and all the times she had been mad at Fowlmouth for chasing after her,
she actually felt jealous of Gwen.  After all, just that morning, Fowlmouth
had been begging her to go to the dinner with him.  And now he was going
steady with another girl!  Still, I'm not supposed to like him, thought
Shirley.  And I have Plucky.  Besides, it's my own fault they're together
now; _I_ was the one who made Gwen talk to him.  However, these
thoughts did not help her get to sleep.

	The next day, almost everyone was paired up for the dinner.  As a
last resort, Wakko Warner, who was too loopy even for the Acme Loo
girls, had agreed to go to the dinner with Gizelle Swan, who just could not
find a date, even though people were nicer to the swans since they had
"apologized" to Shirley.  Word got around fast that Mona was going with
Gordon, which shocked everyone, Margot most of all.
	On Friday, no work was done at all.  No matter how hard the
teachers tried, they could not get the students to concentrate.  Everyone
was gossiping about who was taking whom, or staring raptly into the eyes
of his or her date.
	"You're really quiet today, Shirl," commented Babs at lunch. 
"Something on your mind?"
	"Like, no, not at all," said Shirley lightly.  However after lunch,
Babs pulled Shirl aside.
	"You can't fool me, Loon Girl, something's up."
	"Like, no, really, everything's like totally cool or some junk."
	"Say," said Babs as a thought occured to her, "you aren't jealous
because Fowlmouth's going with Gwen, are you?"
	"Like, _no_!" snapped Shirl.  "Like why would I be jealous of that
little chicken?  And I never liked Fowlmouth in the first place."
	"Gee, sorry, Shirl," said Babs, annoyed.  "I was only asking."  She
shook her head and walked off.  "And," she muttered to herself, "I don't
believe you for a minute, Shirley McLoon."

8
	From where Bugs Bunny was sitting at the head of the table, he
could see every toon at the dinner.  He laughed to himself as he watched
the Acme Loo faculty and their dates.  Daffy Duck and his wife Daphne
(who hit her husband over the head everytime she caught him flirting with
Gandra) were together, as well as Porky Pig and Petunia.  Gandra Dee had
brought her fiance, Fenton, with her.  He was a rather short, slightly self-
conscious duck, and everyone vaguely wondered how he had managed to
get a girl like Gandra.  Even Yosimite Sam and Elmer Fudd had dates,
which was a miracle in itself.
	"Funny, isn't it?" Bugs's girlfriend Lola said to him with a grin.
	"No kidding.  I never thought I'd see a girl talking to Fudd."
	"If you can call _that_ a girl," giggled Lola.
	"Lola!  Eh, you'd better be nicer," Bugs chided playfully.  "You
don't want to get on Elmer's bad side during rabbit season."
	Bugs turned his attention to his speech in front of him.  Standing
up, he banged a carrot on the table to get everyone's attention.
	"Eh, I'm glad all of you could be here tonight, when we celebrate
the new students- and teacher- here at Acme Loo.  But tonight we aren't
just honoring dese newcomers.  All of us faculty members are extremely
proud of you older students.  You have all done a wonderful job of helping
the new toons get adjusted here at the Looniversity.  I'm sure I'm speaking
for all of the teachers here when I say dat I'm happy to see all the new
friendships that have sprung up here.  I think Miss Gandra Dee, our new
chemistry teacher, would like to say a few words."
	Gandra stood up with a smile that melted many a teenage toon's
heart.  "I'm very happy to be here at Acme Looniversity," she said in her
soft, musical voice, "and I'm honored at the kindness all you students and
faculty have shown me.  I was very nervous at first- who wouldn't be,
transferring from a Disney cartoon to a Warner Brothers one?- but you've
all helped me so much.  I'm grateful to all of you."  She smiled again, then
said, "And now I'd like to turn our program over to Buster Bunny, the SGA
president of Acme Loo."  Gandra sat down, and Buster, at the other end of
the table, stood up amid applause.
	With a smile Buster looked around at all his friends before
beginning his speech.  "Well, there isn't a whole lot for me to say that
hasn't been said already.  I've tried to be kind and thoughtful to the new
students, and I know that all of you others have done the same.  Now, I
know it hasn't been easy-"  He glanced at the swans, then to where Mona
and Gordon were sitting hand-in-hand.  "-but I think we're all getting
around that.  I hope we can all put our past problems behind us and that
we can all become the closest of friends."  He looked around the table.  He
saw Babs smiling her encouragment, Plucky with his arm around Shirley,
Penny and Hamton, Gogo and Dot, Yakko and the love-struck Fifi,
Fowlmouth, Gwen, Wakko, the swans, the former Pefecto Preps.  For
once, everyone looked content and happy.  Everyone looked like friends. 
Buster's smile grew.  "But you know what?  I think we already have."

Epilogue
	After Fowlmouth walked Gwen home, he took the long way back
to his coop, through Acme Acres park.  He certainly wasn't in any hurry to
get home.
	He remembered when he had first walked with Shirley through the
park.  That was the day that Buster had helped Fowlmouth overcome his
habit of swearing long enough to take Shirl home.  It hadn't worked-
Shirley had gone out with Plucky anyway.
	Plucky has definitely won, thought Fowlmouth.  He has Shirley
and it doesn't look like I ever will.  Gwen was some consolation, but not
much.  She was cute and all, but Shirley had been Fowlmouth's first and
only true love.  Besides, he knew that his relationship with Gwen wouldn't
last very long.  She was crazy about him now, but it _was_ just a crush. 
Sooner or later, she'd break up with him.  And then where would he be?

	Shirley looked out her window.  Moonlight flowed from the sky,
painting all the trees a ghostly color, somewhere between gray and blue.
	She was thinking about what Buster had said.  True, it was corny,
even for a cartoon, but it was also the truth.  If Acme Loo was going to
continue being the school it had become, they would all have to forget the
past: the rivalry with Perfecto, the feud with the swans.  Just like she was
going to have to forget about Fowlmouth.
	She knew she should be satisfied.  After all, she had had countless
chances with Fowlmouth.  She had consciously chosen Plucky over the
rooster.  And besides, now both Gwen and Fowlmouth must be happy. 
Maybe Shirley had made the wrong decision.  Maybe she should have
gone with Fowlmouth instead of Plucky.  But it was too late now.
	She needed advice; she realized that this wasn't something she
could figure out by herself.  And, for once, she didn't feel that she could
turn to her mother for help.  Her mother had always liked Fowlmouth
better than Plucky- after all, the rooster was, strangely, always very polite
to Ms. McLoon.  Shirl was afraid that, even if she did not say it, her
mother would think "I told you so".
	Then Shirley had an idea.  Maybe she could talk to Miss Dee. 
After all, Gandra had most likely been through all this before to get where
she was today.  Maybe she could help Shirl with her own problems.
	Feeling better, Shirley finally fell asleep

	Babs and Buster stood outside Babs's burrow, spending a few last
moments together before saying goodnight.
	"That was a touching speech, Buster," said Babs.  "I think you're
right about what you said."
	"Me too," Buster replied.  "I think things _are_ going to work out. 
Although merging with Perfeco is one of those things that would _only_
happen in fan fiction."
	Babs laughed.  "You have a point.  Well, guess I'll see you
Monday, Blue Boy.  I'll call you."  She gave him a quick kiss.
	"Okay, Pinky."  Babs started to jump into her burrow but Buster
stopped her.  "Say goodnight, Babs," he told her.
	She grinned.  "Goodnight Babs."  Buster smiled as she disappeared
into the burrow.  No matter what happened to Acme Loo, some things
would never change.

The End